


Sometimes Love Isn't Enough

by Mamogirl



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: M/M, breaking up, communication problems, it does have a sort of happy ending, sort of angst, sort of making up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:13:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22759819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mamogirl/pseuds/Mamogirl
Summary: “Maybe you are right. Maybe we do need to break up. But only because it’s the only way to start new.”
Relationships: Nick Carter/Brian Littrell
Kudos: 10





	Sometimes Love Isn't Enough

Sometimes Love Isn’t Enough

“It’s over.”

“I.. - Shock dressed up itself with the clothes of confusion and misunderstanding. Perhaps he hadn’t quite caught what they were really talking about. - I don’t understand.”

“Oh, you do. Don’t play dumb.”

“I’m not playing anything. - His tone caught itself into a frustrated tone. Already forgotten was what he was doing in that moment, cleaning the kitchen counter so that they could leave for the night. - What the hell are you talking about?”

“You know. You know very well what I’m talking about.”

“No, I don’t.”

Maybe he did. Maybe that wrenched feeling that was starting to crawl inside the pit of his stomach, maybe that was the warning that something horrible was about to happen. Maybe he had always dreaded that, one day, that moment would just arrived, banging itself at his door even though he had no desire to open and welcome into his life. Maybe he had always knew that it was never going to last, for all the past mistakes and past hurt couldn’t just be healed with new promises of having changed.

Maybe that was his fate. And he had never been that good to accept and surrender at its decisions.

Blue eyes closed for a second, concealing, or trying to, a glimpse of insecurity and defiance. Resolution was slowly starting to dissolve, crumpling in front of the reality of what he was about to say.

What he was about to do.

Could he do it? Could he really end something that they had fought so hard to have? Could he really just stand there and let another heart to be broken, only because he wasn’t sure that this, whatever they had and whatever they tried to build, was going to last through another storm? Could he really walk away from _him_ , especially now that he was the one needing love, faith, hope and support the most?

Could he really be that lost? That resentful?

Could he really be that coward?

Maybe there was another solution. Maybe there was another way to solve that complicated affair, as if faith and trust could be something that could be found any other day.

But there wasn’t any solution. There was no way to save something that had already been lost a long time ago, trapped underneath the weight of wanting to dodge fate and destiny. They had tried and they had failed because that was their love: something so big, too big to hold safely in their own hands; something that was either able to lift them up to paradise but, at the same time, so lethal that it could destroy everything.

And Nick didn’t want to be destroyed.

Nick didn’t want to destroy Brian, no matter how much hurt and betrayed he felt.

But maybe that was how it had always meant to be.

Nick took a deep breath and, when he raised his head again, in his eyes there was no sign of doubt or regret. Whoever said that he wasn’t a great actor should have been there, watching and observing him hiding the truth, keeping at bay those voices that screamed how much he was wrong and how things could be placed right once again.

But that was the right decision. For his sake. For Brian’s sake. For everyone’s sake.

“We can’t keep going on like this. I can’t keep doing the same thing, Brian.”

The words hit Brian harder than he had anticipated. Harder than he had prevented them to be. They took away his breath, they took away his ability to breathe in the air and make some kind of sound, although that ability had already been diminished by his own body and brain. For a moment Brian thought that it was just a nightmare, one of those that had been haunting his sleep, or what left of it, since this whole ordeal had started. For a moment he believed, and hung on that tiny and feeble thread of hope, that it was just going to end up with a big laugh, a prank that Nick wanted to pull just because he could.

But Brian knew that Nick wasn’t that cruel, although those words spoken by his voice, cut deeper than any other knife.

“You can’t keep pulling this stunts and then expect everyone, me, to be completely fine.”

He should have seen it coming. Oh, Brian should have expected that reaction. The hate. The refusal to believe that he had been able to keep a secret like that and no one had managed to see.

But was it his fault? Was he the only one to blame?

But above all of reactions he had prevented, this one had never been part of that list.

“I’m not expecting you to be fine. Be mad. Be angry. But is it really necessary to break us?”

“Us? - Nick couldn’t help that bitter laugh that wrapped itself around that pronoun. - You really believe that there has been a us?”

For a long time Nick had believed it. For a long time Nick had hold on to that simple word, even when things had started to get rough and even looking at one another had seemed like something too difficult. For a long time he had wanted them to be a us, that us that everyone had wanted them to be: a destined couple, two soul mates that had lost each other time and time again but, at the end, had managed to find the place where they could be together.

And, maybe, there could still be a them.

But not like that.

“So what have we been? Up until now, what the hell have we been?”

Brian didn’t know where that anger was coming from. Maybe it was self-hate, for he knew that he had been the one driving them apart. But couples were supposed to be better. They were supposed to be better than any other had ever come into their life. And yes, they made mistakes. Yes, he made mistakes but weren’t they supposed to talk things through?

A bitter laugh tried to escape Brian’s lips but he managed to swallow it down. He had never talked things through, right from the first moment he came into Nick’s house and took back what it had always should have been his. They didn’t talk. They didn’t make amends for the past, they just stupidly believe that they could outrun it. They could be so damns happy, loved and in love, and the past couldn’t be that scary monster that would even dare to try to tear them apart.

No one, not even Brian, would have ever thought that the danger would be their future.

His future.

“Brian..”

“Don’t. - Brian didn’t even let Nick finish his sentence. Bottled up with frustration, anger, resentment and regret, Brian couldn’t just stand there and let Nick spit everything they had been up until that moment. - Don’t tell me it was just sex. Don’t tell it was a fling from the past.”

Nick didn’t reply immediately. It hurt him to even dare to say those words, implied that it had never been about love but only a mere physical attraction. Even now, pale as a ghost but those blue eyes turned gray for the storm of emotions ranging through him, Brian was still the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Even now Nick felt that flutter inside his heart, although it was closely followed by another break. Another tear.

“How could it be love if you have never trusted me?”

That had been the rotten point. That had been the last straw. All those months filled with silence; all those nights reaching out to someone who hadn’t wanted to be held or helped, no matter how slowly they were crumpling in front of everyone’s eyes. Nick had waited. Nick had told himself lie after lie, justifications that shouldn’t have been his own words because weren’t they supposed to be in that relationship together? 

“I trust you.”

“Don’t play me.”

“I’m not. - Brian replied, his eyes never leaving Nick’s. - I’ve always trusted you.”

“Then why? Why didn’t you tell me? I’ve asked you so many times what was wrong, I’ve begged you to let me in but you never.. you never did.”

“I...” Brian’s voice caught itself into that invisible web that was already trying to steal it away. He had never been able to talk about his feelings, especially when it came to Nick, his Nick, the one he had always swore he would protected. This time, he had wanted to protect him from himself, he guessed, from long and too long days filled with hospitals and exams, with therapies and second guessing everything because it just didn’t make sense.

Brian had been scared and, just like he did every time, he had closed off himself so on one could had seen him failing.

Especially Nick.

How could he tell this to him? How could he tell Nick that he wasn’t the man he had fallen in love with?

Brian let his gaze drop to the ground, fighting and losing that game of trying to keep everything together. “Maybe you’re right.” He softly whispered, turning around because he couldn’t bear those agonizing eyes anymore. He couldn’t bare to see Nick walking out from that house and away from him.

He couldn’t stop him. Not for the moment.

“Maybe you’re right, Nick. Maybe we do need to stay apart. Maybe I didn’t trust you or, truthfully, I didn’t trust myself in being completely with you. I’m just not used to... this situation.”

“I only wanted to help you.”

“I know.”

Suddenly, it seemed like all the fight and all the resentment had been blow off. Both felt as though all the energies had been sucked away, leaving them standing there only for sheer will. Close but that small distance that, in that moment, felt as if there were miles and miles between them. Kisses and hugs couldn’t heal them, not in the long run: that wasn’t a movie, a love story that required its happy ending or no one was going to like it. That was life and, sometimes, even loving someone else more than everything in the world couldn’t be enough.

But not forever.

“Let me help you.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It can be.”

Brian smiled, although it was a sad one. His heart was still trying to rebel against it, it didn’t want to be alone like it had been for too much time. His soul ached for the loss, as though it already felt its other half slowly retreating and disappearing. But Brian knew that it was just a fall through time, something they had to go through so that they could be stronger when much tougher and harder times would try to dissolve their bond and their love.

“You know that it doesn’t work like that. I... maybe what I need now isn’t a lover. But a friend.”

At first Nick didn’t understand what Brian was trying to say. Weren’t they already friends? Wasn’t that just implied into being in a relationship and everything? How could that be the answer after his attempt of breaking up? Nick couldn’t comprehend the sense in that although, in his defense, he had never had another serious relationship to make any kind of confront. He had always run away as soon as things were getting heavier, never having remorse at sailing away so that he could be free from drama and too much pain.

But not this time. He may have tried to react as he was used to but he knew, deep down, that he would have never be able to go through the end.

“But we are, Brian. We are friends.”

Brian tilted his head to one side, turning around and looking straight towards Nick. “We haven’t been friends in a long time, Nick. We just went from some kind of strangers to lovers. We never talked. We never discussed. We were just afraid that we could lose another chance.”

Brian was right. Now Nick could see his intentions, could see what he was trying to say. He smiled back, fully knowing that things were far from being okay but they didn’t seem such a tragedy anymore. He took those few steps that separated them and, gently, he placed his hand upon Brian’s cheek and let it rest there, in a caress that spoke out everything he hadn’t been able to say.

“Maybe you are right. Maybe we do need to break up. But only because it’s the only way to start new.”

**Author's Note:**

> So... I really don't know how this story happened. It was supposed to be a translation from one of my old Italian fanfic but, as I wrote it, these two idiots decided that they wanted the story to go on a different path.   
> And who am I to rebel? lol
> 
> Thank so much for all the love and kudos received. I was worried that, after being away for so long, I have been forgotten. So thank you, thank you and thank you.


End file.
